Shadows of the Self

It happened again – a dream from another world.
Although this dream was on a whole other level!
I wasn’t myself. Rather, I was a self that I have been trying to discipline my whole life
(Well, would be more accurate to say it is a self that I have been trying to annihilate my whole life; “my worst self” or “my demons” would be the common expression– Fire. Explosive. Violent. Angry.)

After the storm, I felt utterly sorry. I was desperate, and I felt I had lost it all.
The devil said: “Just kill yourself now!” I said “no”.
I still had hope! And it was extremely empowering that even in my dream I refused to revert to self-destruction.
Then I saw someone watching me. Now I feel like he was me but older and wiser and as if he was a guide from another dimension.
I said to him “sorry for what I did.. but this was just a dream!”
He said “The fact that it happened in a dream means you are not ready yet.”
I woke up scared, tired and frightened. What did he mean?
Why was I like that?
How could I have done this to the people I love the most?
Even if it were a dream!?
What did he mean “you are not ready yet”?
Ready for what exactly?
Most importantly, how do I get ready?

Essentially, I would be literally delusional to dismiss all this as “just dreams”. I can comfortably swear it was all “real”. I mean, how do we define “real” after all?
I had experienced it. It was there! Surely they are inconsistent with the ‘common reality’ but that is a weak argument to dismiss the reality of those realms!
The argument I had used in this dream was explicit and direct. And the answer was even more so!
The argument can be restated as:
It was a dream, I had no control, I was just an observer of an imaginary version of me playing a role in a movie!
And the counterargument can be restated as:
To what extent did you really not have control? Surely you didn’t have as much control as in the ‘normal world’. But you do recognize that it is “You” who had done these things. And you can trace it all back to yourself. You know it wasn’t another person that you were just watching.
And it can be extended further to:
What is the extent of your freedom, essentially? If you were put in a different world, how would you behave? Would a little tweak of reality bring up your demons to the surface so easily?
“Common reality”, “normal world” these concepts are easy to grasp. It is basically the world when we are awake. But what is “normal” and what is “common”?
It is perfectly normal and common that the world changes.
Have I essentially grown, or is it just based on the surrounding conditions?
If a disaster strikes and our lives are shattered for whatever reason, will we just immediately turn into demons?

“يوم يفر المرء من أخيه، وأمه وأبيه، وصاحبته وبنيه. لكل امرء منهم يومئذ شأن يغنيه”

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